Money, get away. Get a good job with good pay and you’re okay. Money, it’s a gas. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash. New car, caviar, four star daydream, Think I’ll buy me a football team. Money, get back. I’m all right jack keep your hands off of my stack. Money, it’s a hit. Don’t give me that do goody good bullshit. I’m in the high-fidelity first class traveling set and I think I need a Lear jet. Money, it’s a crime. Share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie. Money, so they say. Is the root of all evil today. But if you ask for a raise its no surprise that they’re giving none away. Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the MoonThere are two kinds of money, MY MONEY, YOUR MONEY and OTHER PEOPLES MONEY (OK, so I can’t count). Here are some of my thoughts about MY MONEY.
The community of riders here in Chiang Mai are pretty good bunch of guys. I haven’t ridden with each and every rider here but I’ve met a lot of them and haven’t met any that I’m not on friendly terms with. I know that if I was in trouble and needed help, I could call upon my fellow GT riders and I believe they would do their best to help me out. If I was called upon for assistance by a fellow GT rider, I would do my best to help them out as well. We have to stick together because in Thailand, we are all visitors. We are here as guests and I am happy to be a guest of the Kingdom. We have almost no rights here and the laws and business practices are stacked against us so we have to help each other.
There’s been a falling-out between two of my friends here in Chiang Mai and frankly I’m at a loss as to what to do about it. I don’t think there’s anything I can do to help, but I felt like putting my thoughts online. It seems that one good hearted friend (I’ll call him the LENDER) helped out another friend (let’s call him the BORROWER) when his Dad was dying and he needed to travel to another country to visit him. From the LENDER’s account, he loaned a good chuck of change so the BORROWER could buy air tickets for himself, his son and girlfriend to travel and see his Dad before he died. The LENDER also claims that he has “helped” the BORROWER in the past by purchasing and bringing motorcycle parts and accessories from the US for him. I haven’t confirmed any of this with the BORROWER, but the BORROWER has confirmed the validity of the debt in emails that I’ve been bcc’ed on. These events began some six odd years ago.
Myself? I learned long ago that if you want to keep someone as a friend then you should never loan them money and you should never live with them. Before I moved here 2.5 years ago, there were several people I worked with who owed me money but promised to pay me back. In one case, I had to make repeated attempts to collect the debt and the debtor made me feel like a heal because I was asking for MY MONEY to be paid back. He finally drove over to my son’s house and delivered MY MONEY in cash but it did damage our relationship and we haven’t communicated since then, too bad.
Case 2: When a “friend” from work learned that I was moving to Thailand he got excited and said that we could make big money selling Stingray leather products on Ebay. Stingrays are native to Thailand and leather products are manufactured here. This friend was a power seller on Ebay, had a good rating so I thought “what the heck, I’ll give it a try”. I did some research here and found a factory in Chonburi province that made Stingray products and bought as many pieces as I could fit in the top case of my BMW. My daughter took them back to the US when she visited and sent them to my friend. My friend did try to sell them on Ebay and was mildly successful. In the end, he sold about ½ of the pieces I sent. I had to continually ask for updates on how sales were going. My friend offered to transfer money to me by paypal, but when I asked him to do this it never happened. I was finally able to collect my share of what he sold after I visited the US last year. I had to drive to his house to collect the unsold products and get a paper check that I then had to take to the home branch of his bank the next day and stand in line to cash. We parted on amicable terms but haven’t communicated since. I sent him a link to my blog when I started it – maybe he’s reading now and recognizes himself? This “friend” had been screwed financially by a former mutual friend of ours. I never thought I would have to ask my friend for MY MONEY, but I did. BTW, I still have some Stingray leather products for sale – if you want to buy a nice gift for your TG, this just might be the ticket.
Case 3: When I was leaving my job and moving to Thailand, a lady “friend” who I used to work with asked me to get her a specific fake Louis Vuiton bag in Thailand. This lady and I were pretty close during the time we worked together. We shared some pretty intimate details of our lives with each other and enjoyed asking each other for advice about our personal lives. Yeah, she was a hot Latino but no, we never made the beast with two backs. If we had, it would have made it much harder to maintain our close friendship. (This would probably make a good third rule about friends – don’t sleep with them – once you do it would be hard to go back to just being friends). I found the bag she wanted, bought it with MY MONEY and sent it back to her in the US. I can’t remember how many times I had to ask for MY MONEY. She told me about how she was having trouble getting refinancing on her $750,000 house and the $75 would be coming soon. A few months later, she was still having trouble and told me that she “didn’t think I really needed the money right now”. Yeah, it was only $75. I’ve had bar tabs bigger than that. Am I greedy? No, I just wanted MY MONEY. If she had asked for it as a gift, I probably would have given it to her. The same trip back to the US I stopped by her office and picked up an envelope she left at reception for me. I haven’t heard from her since. Too bad, we really were good friends. The whole having to ask for MY MONEY thing ruined a good friendship. I don’t know why, but she really seemed to resent my asking for MY MONEY.
Case 4: I’m not going to document each and every case where things have turned bad because I had to ask for MY MONEY. Enough, pau lao.
Getting back to my two friends here in Chiang Mai, I really don’t want to choose sides. I'd like to maintain my middle ground. I’d like to remain friendly with both of them.
The BORROWER is a very well known in the GT and for the most part, a respected member of the community. The LENDER says he’s going to take this debt public – I think this could tarnish the BORROWER’s street cred although there is already a large circle of our friends who know about this. After all, this has been going on for SIX YEARS. Secrets like this don't live very long in a small town like Chiang Mai. The LENDER could come off looking like an asshole if he doesn’t play his cards just right. He could very well and up looking like a prick because he’s asking for HIS MONEY. Doesn’t make sense, does it?
Is the LENDER a prick? I don’t think so. If the BORROWER was making an effort to repay the debt I believe the LENDER would be happy. From what I can see, the BORROWER has a good lifestyle (my opinion) could repay this debt with a little sacrifice. It’s hard to not come off as being abrasive when you’re asking for YOUR MONEY. I know, I've had to do that too many times. I think it’s important to do everything you can to collect your debts without name calling, etc. That just makes you look bad. My advice? In my experience, taking the high road won’t actually help you in your collection efforts but it can keep your rep from being tarnished.
Rules: If you want to keep someone as a friend, don’t loan them money and don’t live with them. I was approached by the BORROWER once, in the middle of a group ride, and told that he would need to “borrow” some money from one of us in order to be able to finish his trip. I pushed off his request on another rider and dodged that bullet. I’ve since decided that I would rather have him pissed off at me because I refused to “loan” him MY MONEY than risk ruining all of the goodwill that we share because I would have to ask him to pay me back MY MONEY. Am I a cold hearted prick? Some would say yes – even without reading this piece.
I have a friend from San Diego that lives here in Thailand and we’ve had this exact same discussion. In the past, he’s asked me for a loan of MY MONEY. I told him no. Once I gave him an airline ticket and no, I don’t expect anything in return. I don’t think he’ll ask for MY MONEY again. Am I a cold hearted prick? Maybe. This friend has a Thai wife and they live what I would call a Thai lifestyle, living from paycheck to paycheck. Only worrying about today’s bowl of rice and not preparing well for their future (my opinion, ok? Sorry AJ). Why does that matter? If he was sacrificing what I consider luxuries like UBC, a brand new car payment and a brand new house payment (things I don’t have) I might feel differently about it. Knowing what their lifestyle is, I wouldn’t feel good having to ask for him to return MY MONEY. He still calls me and we still remain friends.
Loaning money to farang friends should not be confused with “loaning” money to Thai’s. Whenever you “loan” money to a Thai – consider it a gift that will never be reciprocated. If you have a TG, you know what I mean.
These are just my thoughts. After all, that’s what a blog is for – to publish your thoughts. Remember, opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one and they all stink. If you don’t like my blog, don’t read it - write your own.
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