As I was writing this recent post to my blog, the focus of the piece turned to responsibility. Too many times people don't take responsibility for what they do nor do they take responsibility for what happens to them. Yeah, that's right, you are responsible not only for your actions but also for what happens to you.
This is a concept that a lot of people have trouble understanding. Let me illustrate with a couple of examples.
Imagine your heart is broken because you catch your girlfriend shacking up with another guy in Samui when she tells you that she's on a junket with the girls from the travel agency or that your gf becomes pregnant and you know you're not the father because you had a vasectomy 10 years ago.
Who's responsible for your broken heart? The girl who ripped your heart out of your chest, tossed it on the floor and stomped on it with her heels, or you?
You are.
If you hadn't let her get close to you, your feelings could never have been hurt.
In case you don't get it, here's another example. When you're riding your motocy in Thailand and get T-boned by a step-through, who's responsible?
You are.
When I say this to people they think I'm crazy. "Of course the step-through is responsible" is the answer most often given.
In fact, I can tell you who is responsible for any motorcycle accident - the rider is responsible. The rider CHOSE to get on the bike and ride it, thus making the decision to put himself in harm's way by participating in a risk filled activity. Most people don't take any responsibility for their decisions or actions and feel victimized when something bad happens to them.
If you can get your head around this and really take responsibility for what happens to you, you'll find that it's an incredibly empowering way to live your life. You might say that I'm just playing with words here and that I don't know what I'm talking about. Like I said, most people don't get this and most likely never will.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Money, again...
Somebody posted a comment in this post that quoted Shakespeare. I guess great minds think alike eh?
The lender cc'ed a couple of dozen people on this email. In doing so, he comes off looking like a petty, whining, name calling jerk.
The borrower has made what he considers a final payment to the lender. Good for him, paying the principal off. The lender is still seeking interest over 20,000 baht.
Is there any way that you could take assertive action to collect a 6 year old debt from a "friend" and not look like a jerk? Probably not. These guys must have been good friends at one time, now it seems that money has divided them forever.
If this had happened back in the USA, the lender could have filed a suit in small claims court, won a judgment and taken steps to garnish the borrowers wages or assets. I had to employ this tactic once to recover my money.
I have a friend that told me a story of how he spent $10,000 to collect a $375 debt. This guy is a good riding buddy. Money can make you do funny things. We ride together and have many similar research interests. We joke about loaning each other money often because we both know that the quickest way to lose a friend is to loan him money.
For farangs in Thailand, there is no legal recourse in cases like this. We have to rely on the integrity of our fellow farang to resolve these kinds of problems.
In a similar matter there was a farang that owned a motorcycle shop in Bangkok. To make a long story short, he let a dishonest employee get leverage over his business and eventually lost the assets of the business leaving many farang customers with unkept promises of bikes and/or book & plates. Who's responsible for the unkept promises? The owner who didn't watch his business close enough.
Who's responsible for this rift between these 2 ex-friends? They both are.
Who do I think is right in this case? In my opinion, neither party can take the high ground. The lender loaned money to a borrower that was a bad credit risk. Suck it up and admit that you screwed up. The borrower is at fault as well for not clearing the books long ago.
The lender has an apparently big heart and has even loaned money to members of his Thai wife's family. I can't imagine myself ever doing that - even if I had Thai wife. If you look in a Thai-English dictionary you'll see "loan" in English translates as "kong faak" (ของฝาก - gift) in Thai.
We don't like to see our fellow riding buddies suffer and will do what we can to help them out.
In the words of Rodney King, why can't we all just get along?
From Shakespeare's Hamlet, 1603:That’s the last thing I would want, to have the edge of my husbandry dulled.
LORD POLONIUS:
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
The lender cc'ed a couple of dozen people on this email. In doing so, he comes off looking like a petty, whining, name calling jerk.
Assuming that you have made those last two payments (which I have yet to confirm) here is your current balance:Soon after this email was sent, about 6 of the cc'ed people replied to all asking to be excluded from future emails. Likely there will be efforts made to choose sides in this conflict.
Balance as of May 1 64,060B
Payment – May 2 -3000B
Payment – May 18 -3000B
Payment – May 22 -35,000B
Balance as of May 22 23,060B
As you can see, your figures only take into account the amounts that you originally borrowed over a 6 and 1/2 year period. You were informed quite some time ago that you would be charged whatever interest that I was paying to carry your debt. And you agreed to it.
So as far as I am concerned, your balance is still 23,060 baht, and will continue to grow at the interest rate that I am paying for that money. You can take your "BALANCE now equals ZERO baht" comment and stick it right up there with the rest of your BS.
What the *&^% do you think, xxxxxxxx? That the rest of the world owes you a living? Guess again. It is real funny that I was your "good buddy" when you needed the cash, but after 6 years of putting up with your crap, I am a rotten b*&^%$d for wanting my own money back.
You have told me to "Please see that you distribute this to every man & dog whom you have bad-mouthed / emailed me behind my back!" Rest assured that I will do that - and more. But what they will be told is the complete truth about the situation - and that you have been, and continue to be, an arrogant prick.
And, by the way, when you tell somone the truth about a situation, it is not "bad-mouthing". Your own actions have ruined your reputation - not me telling people about your actions.
This money that you still owe is not in any way making money for me. It is only recovering what I am out of pocket - interest that I have paid on this money for the past 6 1/2 years. Let's hear your reasons why I should be eating those costs, instead of saying "F&^% You - that is all you are getting".
I have put up with more than enough of your crap. You have often cried "I have no money to pay you" then get caught blowing the cash on booze, girls, and vacations. And anyone that knows you realizes that this is true.
And your promise of a year ago - that the debt would be completely paid off by the end of 2006? Well the talk was not followed by a single baht. You know the saying - Money talks, BS walks.
So screw you and your totals. You still owe me lots of money, and I intend to keep asking for it.
The borrower has made what he considers a final payment to the lender. Good for him, paying the principal off. The lender is still seeking interest over 20,000 baht.
Is there any way that you could take assertive action to collect a 6 year old debt from a "friend" and not look like a jerk? Probably not. These guys must have been good friends at one time, now it seems that money has divided them forever.
If this had happened back in the USA, the lender could have filed a suit in small claims court, won a judgment and taken steps to garnish the borrowers wages or assets. I had to employ this tactic once to recover my money.
I have a friend that told me a story of how he spent $10,000 to collect a $375 debt. This guy is a good riding buddy. Money can make you do funny things. We ride together and have many similar research interests. We joke about loaning each other money often because we both know that the quickest way to lose a friend is to loan him money.
For farangs in Thailand, there is no legal recourse in cases like this. We have to rely on the integrity of our fellow farang to resolve these kinds of problems.
In a similar matter there was a farang that owned a motorcycle shop in Bangkok. To make a long story short, he let a dishonest employee get leverage over his business and eventually lost the assets of the business leaving many farang customers with unkept promises of bikes and/or book & plates. Who's responsible for the unkept promises? The owner who didn't watch his business close enough.
Who's responsible for this rift between these 2 ex-friends? They both are.
Who do I think is right in this case? In my opinion, neither party can take the high ground. The lender loaned money to a borrower that was a bad credit risk. Suck it up and admit that you screwed up. The borrower is at fault as well for not clearing the books long ago.
The lender has an apparently big heart and has even loaned money to members of his Thai wife's family. I can't imagine myself ever doing that - even if I had Thai wife. If you look in a Thai-English dictionary you'll see "loan" in English translates as "kong faak" (ของฝาก - gift) in Thai.
We don't like to see our fellow riding buddies suffer and will do what we can to help them out.
In the words of Rodney King, why can't we all just get along?
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